Self or Him

John 18

Here we find a couple guys that I think we can relate to pretty well. Stay with me on this one.

It might be hard to actually defend Judas, and I understand that tension. By most accounts, he was a zealot, badly wanting to see Rome out of Israel’s business, looking for any sign of someone to come lead them out of that political and military mess. Jesus knew he would betray Him, He knew this was part of the plan, and yet the argument can be made that Judas had a choice. And I know the big picture, the messiah had to die, and His betrayal was part of that picture.

We know Judas was rather self-serving (good thing none of US can relate to that, huh?); he dipped into the group’s treasury, we are told, after he lamented the costly perfume “wasted” on anointing Jesus. He might have had the country in mind a bit, but he was in this for himself. And so, when it likely became evident to him, based on Jesus’ teaching, that this was not some military savior to free Israel from Rome, what did he have to lose? Why stick with this Jesus guy when He wasn’t even going to stand up to Rome after all.

Then we have Peter. The rock. The one who said he would never turn his back on Jesus. We know the story all too well. He openly and vehemently denies knowing Him, and one of the other gospel accounts even tells us that when the rooster crowed, Jesus looked at him across the crowd (Luke 22:61). If you have ever seen “The Passion of the Christ”, this scene is depicted in a haunting way, really helping the viewer feel Peter’s anguish at what he had just done.

My point in looking at these two men is that it is very easy to sit back and say, “yeah, I messed up”, or “yeah, I haven’t been living the Christian life I should”, because it’s easy to beat ourselves up. Sure, the other side is true as well, in that often we might think way too much of ourselves, and take our eyes off the Savior. But I sincerely pray that my goal in my own personal response to my shortcomings is that like Peter, as opposed to Judas.

Judas felt remorse, anguish, perhaps just plain guilt. He could have sought out the other disciples and tried to reconcile. I imagine they would have been less-than-receptive to him. He was used by Satan and then tossed aside. We know that from Matthew 27 and Acts 1 that Judas hanged himself from his remorse. Whether it was immediately before or after the crucifixion is not necessarily clear, but Judas had some sort of opportunity to seek forgiveness. We are never told if he did.

Peter also covered for himself in the course of his denial of Jesus, and we are told that he wept “bitterly” because of his refusing to take a stand for his Friend. We’ll see Peter again shortly as he seeks to set things right. He owns the responsibility and consequences of his actions, and will be used mightily for the Lord. Sure, he kept his strong personality, and he had his quirks, and we cannot read about him and ever question his heart for God.

It’s too simplistic to ask “Are you a Judas or a Peter?” I trust we all understand the implications of such a question. Each and every day we make choices as to who we follow, ourselves or the Lord. And we saw where each of these guys in John 18 chose themselves over God, realized it, and then made choices from there.

And my point is not to dwell on that self-centeredness, but rather to own the fact that we are so very self-centered, and so badly need to stay in touch with what Jesus desires for each of us, that which pleases HIM. We have His Word, and by it we can live for Him. I pray that we trust it enough to lean on it when we make good decisions, and that we turn to it when our decisions do not please God.